A few weeks ago, I traveled down to San Diego to see two of my dearest friends who I’ve known since I was in elementary school. We all have children of our own now and I was marveling how special it is that our friendship has endured various iterations over the years: from childhood friendships, to adolescent crushes, to teenage drama, navigating early adulthood, and then marriage and becoming parents. It’s really wild.
I’m really fortunate that I have several friendships that have spanned the decades-long mark thanks to growing up, attending college, and now working in relatively the same area my whole life. I know this is a rarity. But, I’ve also seen how friendships evolve and change over the years, as well. Interests change, experiences change, and even feelings change. My best friend from elementary school and middle school was ditched in high school when our paths took separate turns (cheerleading for me, cross-country for her). And then college made way for my new film-school friends. Every life transition brings a new set of people into your life, and the true friends are able to transition with you. Sometimes you’re going through similar experiences and it’s easier to transition together. For example, my core group of friends from high school and I all got married within a couple years of each other. Even though our lives were vastly different at that time, we got to experience this milestone all together.
Nothing tests friendships more than becoming a mother. Not only does your sense of self completely change, but you simply have less time for well… anything. Your physical and emotional bandwidth just diminishes. Other parents understand this, but they’re experiencing their own depletion. Friends without kids try to understand and if you’re lucky a few actually will. But, friendship isn’t about keeping score. Some of my best friends I can go months without talking to. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care, it just means I’m trying to get through my own life. And then there are friends that I can’t go more than a week without seeing. We find ways to together (even if it’s coming with me to run errands or working out together). Each friendship is unique and different and you have to find what works for that particular friendship. Some need extra nourishing; some you know are solid no matter what. Some have to adapt, and some can transport you back to a time where you may have been a completely different person, but the feeling remains.
There’s not really a point to this post, to be honest. I’m just so thankful for all the friends that I have in my life. Thank you for still loving me when I was at my worst, and celebrating when I was at my best. Thank you for holding back my hair when I was too drunk, giving career, boy, and parenting advice, reading all my scripts, texting at the exact time I needed someone to talk to, going to every gosh-darn bridal shower, engagement party, wedding, baby shower, driving for hours to spend some time together, coming to premieres and readings, and everything in between. I’m a very lucky gal.