Forgiveness and Moving Past Conflict

It’s pretty much a guarantee in life that at some point you will come into conflict with another person. This is just part of being a human being. We’re not all going to agree with each other 100% of the time. Everyone has their own unique viewpoints and perspectives and chances are they will clash with others’ perspectives. That's okay. Most of us can agree to disagree and move on. But, for some of us, we get our feelings hurt and turn simple conflicts into full-blown feuds. Maybe you were wronged by someone or wronged someone else. It really doesn’t matter. What does matter is at a certain point, you have to decide to move past these conflicts. Life is too short.

But, what happens when time has passed and you felt like you did everything you could do to remedy the situation? Given them space, let them be angry, apologized, apologized again, and they still won’t move on? Well, then my friends, the onus is on you to find a way to get past it. It’s not easy. I’m someone who hates any sort of conflict with anyone and I try to live by the mantra, “Can’t we all just get along?” But, no matter how much someone has hurt you or has villianized you, forgiving them will give you emotional freedom to move on with your life.

As much as we want to pretend (at least some of us— the Type-A control-freaks amongst us) that we have control over everything, there are certain situations and circumstances that we simply cannot control. Whether someone will forgive you and move past a conflict is one of those things— especially if you feel you have taken all the steps you could to remedy the situation. At that point, the only thing you can control is your own feelings about it. You have to choose if you’re able to let go and move past it, even if you’re still getting animosity and ultimatums from the other party, or hold onto a grudge. And let me tell you: nobody except for maybe Madeline on Big Little Lies has time for grudges (and reminder: look what happened to precious Madeline and that need to hold onto grudges). Forgiving someone and choosing to move on isn’t easy. Especially if that person isn’t willing to do the same.

Forgiving someone also doesn’t mean that you’re going to suddenly be best friends with that person, or really have any relationship at all with them. Often times having to be the bigger person means giving something up in exchange. But, the emotional freedom that comes from forgiveness is amazing. You’re no longer responsible for that person or the situation. You’ve done all that you could and can walk away knowing that. That conflict is no longer going to take up space in your brain or cause you pain. And that makes it worth it, I think.